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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28620765">I Should Have Told You I Love You.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestydeku/pseuds/forestydeku'>forestydeku</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Losing you, Finding you. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Cheating, Domestic Fluff, Heavy Angst, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, but its not actually cheating, george messes up, george writes 10 letters to say sorry and goodbye, it all goes down from that point on tho, like ooo my heart feels rlly good, like really nice fluff the first 5 chapters at least</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:09:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28620765</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestydeku/pseuds/forestydeku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>George should have told him. Told him how much his heart raced at the sight of Dream, how his palms would get clammy, how his cheeks would grow red. He knows Dream noticed it on his own, but he should have told him.</p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>  <em>It took me a minute to realize how dark it was, after all it was late at night. We were the only ones on the highway. I didn't even have to think twice before lowering the window and sticking my head out. The wind had been blowing loudly in my ears and my hair was flying wildly everywhere. I could barely see you through the wind blowing into my eyes. You were laughing so loudly at me while speeding up so the wind blew harder.. it was the only time I ever said it to you.</em></p><p> </p><p>  </p><p> </p><p>  <em>"I love you!"</em></p><p> </p><p>  </p><p> </p><p>  <em>You didn't hear me say it, I said it with that purpose. My voice was pathetic compared to the volume of the wind, so I decided that I needed to tell you. Even if I didn't tell you directly, even if I didn't say it loud enough for you to hear.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p>I should have let you hear me.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Losing you, Finding you. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Falling In Deep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(if i said there was an update i took it down cause i uploaded the wrong draft, it’ll be up in a couple hours)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My forever,</p><p> </p><p>This is the start to my apology letter. An apology that should have come much sooner, in person, so that you wouldn't have to lay in bed each night wondering where everything went wrong. At least it's like that for me. I lay in bed every night thinking of what could've been different. If I took the time to understand you, if you took the time to hear me out. Our love story would be tragic if it were a story, our song slow and sad so they could all hear it go from angelic to dark from the snap of your fingers.</p><p> </p><p>I've come to the terms that there is no fixing what went wrong, that I missed the timing to fix things, that you don't have the ears to lend to me so I can explain. So I decided to do this in the form of letters. It feels cheesy sitting in my room at 3am using a mechanical pencil to write this, it makes me feel like a kid again, trying to write a love letter.</p><p> </p><p>I suppose this is a love letter, but in the worst way possible.</p><p> </p><p>I'll start off going easy on you, maybe by the time you get to the letters where I have the guts to say what happened that day, you would have forgiven me. Should I start with how much I care for you? How you make me feel? After all, I was never brave enough to say it to your face.</p><p> </p><p>Silly me.</p><p> </p><p>I am sure you have noticed, noticed the way I would always watch when you weren't looking, because I was desperate to keep you in my memory. I was desperate to remember the way when you didn't cut your hair it would get caught on your eyelashes, prick at your eyes, and made you shake your head in a failed attempt to get it out.</p><p> </p><p>It never failed to make me giggle, never failed to make you laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Though each time I would cradle your head in my hands and bring my thumbs to your eyes, wiping away any stray tears. I do not know if it was the hair that caused them, or our endless laughter. Every moment with you was filled with an irreplaceable feeling of happiness, excitement, love.</p><p> </p><p>I <strike>loved</strike></p><p> </p><p>No.</p><p> </p><p>I love how you know when I'm uncomfortable, when it's the right time to push me out of my comfort zone, when it's the right time to hold me and say it's okay.</p><p> </p><p>My boundaries were found by you and respected, and knowing that only makes my heart beat harder. You always had a habit of teasing me when you knew I could handle it though, it makes me blush at the thought.</p><p> </p><p>I should have told you that I was so grateful for you sooner, that was my mistake.</p><p> </p><p>It isn't just that though, I love how you would bring up the energy to any room, brighten it with your smile, and louden it with your laugh.</p><p> </p><p>I remember having that feeling the first time we met. I remember making the plans to meet with Wilbur. I remember coming home with the food I would have made him for dinner, though when I opened the door, it was you.</p><p> </p><p>Just you and I, watching each other, waiting for a pin to drop so we can move. Move towards each other or away I wasn't sure, it was just you and I at that moment. At least your energy made me believe it was just us. You greeted me so boldly, smiled so widely. You had me frozen at the door like a fool.</p><p> </p><p>It was really you.</p><p> </p><p>Short fluffy golden hair barely coming down to your eyebrows, messed with and tousled as if someone ran their hands through it repeatedly. The light from the open door reflected on it causing it to look like pure gold, in that moment, it looked like pure gold to me. Your eyes were looking right into mine, hazel, was it called?</p><p> </p><p>They were wide and bright, gold and green, pupils dilated as you looked right at me. You looked at me like I was the only person in the room, perhaps you forgot about everyone who helped you plan this. You have a habit of forgetting the important things.. unless you <strike>see</strike> saw me as more important than everyone else?</p><p> </p><p>Your lips looked puffy and swollen from being bitten and my heart swelled. Was I the reason your lips were a fiery red that evening? Were you nervous to see me? Were you nervous I would be disappointed.. or were you nervous that I would turn out disappointing? I can't help but continue feeling insecure about our relationship.</p><p> </p><p>Though when I remember how those same lips fell apart when you laid eyes on me, it makes me feel like I was far better than your expectations. But believe me, you have, and always will succeed my expectations. I wish you could say the same.</p><p> </p><p>Though I'm getting off topic, what I'm really trying to say is..</p><p> </p><p>If ethereal had a person to represent it, they would choose you.</p><p> </p><p>It's embarrassing looking back at it. At the way I pathetically hurled myself into your arms, shoved my face into your neck, and just breathed in your scent.</p><p> </p><p>You smelled like 3-In-One soap and cheap cologne, it was addictive.</p><p> </p><p>I can't help but remember the embarrassment I felt when I realized people were watching, the way I pulled off and hit your chest jokingly asking how you got in. I never admitted to how happy I was in that moment, merely acting like It was just a normal first meeting, with a normal friend who was nowhere near as important as you are.</p><p> </p><p>I should have told you how happy you made me, that was my mistake.</p><p> </p><p>We didn't get to spend much time together since you were only spending a week, though every minute I was with you made it feel like an eternity. Every second we spent staring at each other felt like hours, every minute we tried to find the right words felt like days, every hour we spent wishing for more felt like years.</p><p> </p><p>We were so in love, huh?</p><p> </p><p>Though we never had the conversation that we should have. Why we would hold hands under the dinner table with friends, why we would stare into each others eyes longer than necessary, why our faces would flush after we realized what we were doing.</p><p> </p><p>Was it all my imagination? Was it just embarrassment you were feeling? Was I leading myself on? That would if anything be the better reason, the way I yearn for my love being unrequited comes off quite idiotic. I mean who would want the person they love to not feel the same?</p><p> </p><p>They don't understand.</p><p> </p><p>Since knowing that you felt just how I do for you makes my chest tighten, my heart squeeze, my eyes water. Since knowing that every time I did something wrong it would hurt you, knowing every time we left the arguments without a solution it worsened our relationship.</p><p> </p><p>We should have had that conversation, that was my mistake.</p><p> </p><p>When you left it was my turn to go to you, though our second meeting was just as exciting as the first. This time it was you running up to me and pulling me into your chest, you spun me around and the second you put me back on the ground you pressed your forehead to mine and laughed loudly.</p><p> </p><p>Your breath smelled like mints and energy drinks, it was intoxicating.</p><p> </p><p>You were brave enough to tell me how happy you were, brave enough to say how the sight of me standing on your porch made butterflies swarm in your chest. You told me the only thing that could calm them was holding me close to you. I remember your eyes searching mine, wondering if you went too far.</p><p> </p><p>It was the first time I was brave enough to reciprocate, I kissed the top of your hand and laid my head on your shoulder. Weirdly enough, I feel as though in that moment, my actions were far louder than my words.</p><p> </p><p>That trip led to the first time we first slept on the same bed, it was an accident how I fell asleep on your it.</p><p> </p><p>At least that's what I told you.</p><p> </p><p>The scent of you drenched your entire room and made me lightheaded, and it made me feel warm, content. The smell of your cologne and sweat, the empty energy drinks and water bottles littered your desk and floor, and your bedsheets were crumpled since you didn't make the bed before leaving.</p><p>Being in your room felt like I was seeing a part no one else gets to see, smell a scent only you have, feel the comfort of your warmth that's only for me to feel.</p><p> </p><p>I awoke to you stumbling alongside the bed, your blushing face when you saw how I had the pillow clutched against me. I had, and always will blame it on the sleepiness intoxicating me, causing me to drunkenly pull you onto the bed alongside me. Your gasp rang in my ears and lulled me closer to sleep, it was so delicate, like I were delicate. </p><p> </p><p>Your tense body laid stiff on the bed as if not knowing where to put your hands, so I wrapped my arms around your chest and pulled myself against you, making my head nuzzle into your collarbone.</p><p> </p><p>It was like we were puzzle pieces, how perfectly we fit together.</p><p> </p><p>You didn't tease me when I woke up, instead you handed me a coffee and ruffled my hair, telling me to brush my teeth and get dressed since you would be taking me out later. I wanted to ask if it was a date, or just a thing you did with friends, but the thought of it being platonic burned a hole in my chest. So I stayed silent when we left.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sure America is a beautiful place, I say that as If I didn't go to see It for myself but if anything I didn't.</p><p> </p><p>Because my eyes were on you the whole time.</p><p> </p><p>My eyes have always been on you.</p><p> </p><p>I've gone off on a tangent. Though it's really just me trying to list things off that's happened between us so I don't remember the little things. Like how you would tuck my hair behind my ears when you stared at me too long. Like how your lips would quirk up when you were trying not to laugh at a bad joke I made, how you would get embarrassed when you get distracted due to your mind being an endless, beautiful place.</p><p> </p><p>You thanked me every time it happened for being patient with you, when in reality it wasn't me being patient, it was me being bewitched.</p><p> </p><p>I wonder what your mind is like. I wonder if it's bright and full of thoughts that could last you a lifetime, I wonder if it's dark and full of depressing thoughts that distract you at the worst times, I wonder If being with me helped whatsoever.. or made them worse.</p><p> </p><p>I hope when you got lost in your mind you didn't feel embarrassed or insecure, because it only made me fall harder,</p><p> </p><p>and harder,</p><p> </p><p>and harder,</p><p> </p><p>just for you.</p><p> </p><p>I will fall for you and you only in my lifetime.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps that's why I don't have much time left, because now that I've lost you, I have lost my purpose.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Time of My Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My Forever,</p><p> </p><p>The last letter was a bit of a mess huh? In all honestly I didn't expect myself to go through with writing them all, it was more of a spur of the moment idea. But I feel an odd sense of comfort by writing this. Knowing that we can finally get our closure, being able to tell you everything that went through my head every second I spent with you. Being able to just say most of the things I wanted to made me happy enough.</p><p> </p><p>Not enough to stop writing though.</p><p> </p><p>I strained my neck today, I can't say why though. I think that would hurt you way too much. I bought a new pack of mechanical pencils just to do this, the last one broke after I finished writing the letter. $10 is a little pricy for only <em>two</em> of them, but they come with things of led and erasers so I think they're pretty cool. Off on another tangent, as per usual.</p><p> </p><p>I don't have the heart to tell you everything in just one letter, so this'll go on for however long I continue writing. Will it be until my fingers cramp up and my neck can't handle bending down anymore? Should I put this all in a Google Docs? Letters just give off that more heartfelt feeling ya know?</p><p> </p><p>If I continue writing like this its gonna end up being me trying to find things to distract me from the point. I know what the point of these letters are for, I know its for me to apologize, but I want to hold on to this little strength I have left to tell you everything. But as the days pass and my heart feels number I'm not sure if the tangents will save me. Should I think of something to tell you about in this letter? Let me think..</p><p> </p><p>The pain just traveled down to my shoulder. Is it hinting that I should keep writing as much as a can before it gets to my hand, maybe I should write the final letter right before the pain reaches my hands. So that you know everything I say in that final letter was everything I <em>truly</em> felt. Anyways, I looked over at my bedside table and saw our picture sitting there.</p><p> </p><p>Our first date. <em>Official</em> first date. The one where you told me specifically what your intents were. GOD it hurts so bad. My neck.. I mean.</p><p> </p><p>This can be like a little story for you to read, something you had already been through, just from MY point of view! All the things I wanted to say! All of things I didn't say! <strike>Like how I wanted you to push me against the glass and kiss me like a mad man and how much I love you!</strike>Like how much I appreciated everything you did for me and how much I love you. That's all.</p><p> </p><p>So stick around with me while I rant, you can do that for me right? I mean after all, this whole 'relationship' between us was you putting through my mood switches, it'll just be a little more until your finally gonna be able to take a break. Let me have at least that much, I'm begging you, keep reading, even if it hurts.. </p><p> </p><p>How about we start with you asking me out on that date? </p><p> </p><p>I was visiting you in America for the hundredth time, my bank account will never forgive me for how much I spent on traveling you know. But I couldn't regret it if I tried, because I'm going down with those memories locked in my head, only I will ever have them. Just me and you. Till the end. Anyways. I don't specifically remember where we were, at a friends house or a hotel room, but you just went for it.</p><p> </p><p>"George, go on a date with me.. pretty please?" </p><p> </p><p>And you tilted your head at me like a dumb puppy! As if I wouldn't give you were a puppy kicked to the side after trying to eat some food off the table! You're so.. UHG! Your so adorably stupid and my heart clenches every time I remember the dumb face at me. There you have it, I'm being real with you. I wanted to squish your face with my hands and pepper kisses all over it so you wouldn't look so stupidly sad!</p><p> </p><p><em>That</em>, is what you do to me. I was stupid not to say otherwise. And its obvious how I would answer. I mean after all you made that face knowing I would be weak to it, right? Or were you secretly praying I would say yes, and in reality scared of my reaction? It's a bit too late to tell you this now, but I <strike>would</strike> will do ANYTHING for you. Okay?</p><p> </p><p>So I said yes. I could <em>feel</em> the blush on my face. I'm sure you saw it too. After all I made it a bit too obvious when I dropped my face after answering. But you didn't tease me, you just grabbed my hand and kissed it before pulling me up and against you, telling me to get ready since you would be taking me out. I should've looked at your face instead of pressing my face into your chest, were you blushing just as hard as me?</p><p> </p><p>Getting ready was like trying to fill a glass with water during an earthquake. I was <em>trembling</em>. In fear or excitement? I couldn't tell you even to this day. All that was going through my head was '<em>date</em>' and how you hugged me to your chest. It wasn't like how you normally did it, because your heart beat 10x faster than it would normally.</p><p> </p><p>When I finally did manage to get washed up and dressed you were watching me so <em>amusedly</em>. Did I look that dumb to you? It was your fault you know! Ugh, anyways, you made me really nervous when you were watching me like that you know. But your eyes.. maybe I'm overthinking it but.. they looked so, in love? In love.. with me? I don't know.. maybe I'm wrong <strike>am I?</strike> and you were just amused at the time.</p><p> </p><p>We got in the car, I tried to sing along to the music to try and get rid of my nerves, and you made things 10x worse laughing like I was the funniest person you had ever met. You really <strike>love</strike> loved me huh? Well. You don't love me anymore. I mean, I wouldn't either if you did what I did to you. I mean I would've ran out faster than <em>you</em> did at the time. Off topic once again.</p><p> </p><p>I was actually pretty nervous you know. I didn't know where you were taking me and wow did that make me nervous. I should've told you I hated surprises. See how I used 'hated'? It's cause you made me love them. Because every surprise you did for me made me fall more and more in love with you. Every nerve I got from being nervous amplified my hearts beating, it's always been you. It'll only ever be you. I'm <em>so</em> sorry.</p><p> </p><p>The date! Right! You took me to the aquarium, talk about <em>cringy</em> huh? Im joking.. but you remembered. You remembered when I said that one time that I always wanted to go to the aquarium for a date, so that it could be like the cliche romance movies back in the early 2000's. I honestly couldn't believe that you remembered something that irrelevant. Was it really that important to you that you made our date perfect?</p><p> </p><p>If it was, then you have just made me fall more in love with you at this moment. Have I told you how much I love you? I don't think I've said it enough, really.</p><p> </p><p>You must have seen how excited I was from how you smiled after seeing my reaction. After all, its a day that neither of us could ever forget, amiright? Nothing specific happened, no important statements were said, nothing like that. </p><p> </p><p>But when your hand entangled with mine as we stood in front of the largest enclosure, when you turned towards me and looked at me so lovingly, I knew you would ruin my experiences with anyone else. I was yours from that moment and I will be yours till I take my last breath. Take my word on that.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn't focus on anything after that. All I could think of was the weight of your hand in mine, how you would squeeze them together when trying to get my attention, how you would pull them into your pocket when we were pushing through a crowd. You clogged my mind, you always have.</p><p> </p><p>I should have told you that, that was my mistake.</p><p> </p><p>You took me to the restaurant they had inside the aquarium, their only options were seafood. How shocking. I hope you can feel my sarcasm just <em>radiating</em> off the screen. We both ended up ordering the one option that wasn't seafood off the kids menu, chicken tenders!</p><p> </p><p>But during the dinner, do you remember? Remember how you locked your foot around mine? You swung them back and forth and didn't say a word. You looked overjoyed over the fact that I didn't kick you away, I'm so glad I didn't kick you away. The food tasted pretty bad anyways but you being with me in general made it feel like the best meal I've ever had.</p><p> </p><p>A couple of fans recognized me so we had to make a run for it so they didn't see your face, I can still remember how loud you laughed when we finally got outside and to our car. We were sweaty and panting and laughing like we had nothing stopping us. We <em>didn't</em> have anything stopping us. It was just you and I.</p><p> </p><p>That's exactly why I dragged you towards me and just hugged you. My heart was racing, we both reeked of sweat and deodorant, but your body heat made all my worries go away. Remember how I said we fit together like puzzle pieces? I thought about that feeling as I hugged you. How perfectly your arms wrapped around my waist, how perfectly my head fit in your neck, how perfectly our heartbeats were in sync.</p><p> </p><p>I wish I could spend the rest of my life in your arms, another thing that I'm too late to tell you about.</p><p> </p><p>I'm not sure how long we spent just holding each other against the car, breathing each other in, waiting till we caught our breaths, but you eventually laughed and said the date wasn't over and opened my door for me. I couldn't look at you the whole ride, I was far too embarrassed. I could feel your eyes on me the whole ride, only looking away to make sure you didn't kill us in a car crash.</p><p> </p><p>It took me a minute to realize how dark it was, it was late at night, and we were the only one on the highway. I didn't even have to think twice before lowering the window and sticking my head out. The wind blew loudly in my ears and my hair flew wildly everywhere. I could barely see you through the wind blowing into my eyes, you laughed loudly at me while speeding up so the wind blew harder.. it was the only time I ever said it to you.</p><p> </p><p>"I love you!"</p><p> </p><p>You didn't hear me say it, I said it with that purpose. My voice was pathetic compared to the volume of the wind, so I decided that I needed to tell you. Even if I didn't tell you directly, even if I didn't say it loud enough for you to hear.</p><p> </p><p>I love you Dream, so much, thank you for taking me on that date, thank you for changing my world.. my life.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry I changed yours for the worse.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>follow my twitter and leave a comment if you can! :))</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/forestydeku"> Here!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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